i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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