is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
