Having a random hookup so left but love u
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
