I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
