Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
