Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
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went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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