u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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