I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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