If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
how drunk are you?
Several
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
