i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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