So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
