We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
