The maid of honor just puked.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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