That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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