So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
