That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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