I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
