he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
