Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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