I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You took a bar mat shot.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
