my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
