Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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