It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
