Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My ass is underappreciated
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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