Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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