A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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