Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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