No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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