it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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