I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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