I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
