Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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