I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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