your parents love me but you hate me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
