I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There r osticjed everywhere
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize