Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize