The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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