I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
