there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
