she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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