I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
