spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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