Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
