My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
