Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
