How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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