wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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