Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
