in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
