he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
