I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
