Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
