Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
