'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
