Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
