You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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