"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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