Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
