Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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