so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is classic penis vs brain.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
