I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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