Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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