So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
