Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
