do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
