I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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