That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
