YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
