New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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