There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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