Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
