she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize