I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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