shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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