Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
