My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
