I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
