Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
