I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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