Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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