Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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