All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
