Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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