$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
