God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize