Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
