AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
