I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
