We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
